Our Unique Engagement Life

Being engaged was a whirlwind of emotions for Ben and I. So just a little background of what was going on at the time. I was currently attending Weber State University and commuting about 45 minutes to an hour twice a week. I was also working as a nanny part-time. Ben was working for an abatement removal company, which drained his energy. We tried to see each other as often as possible, and went through withdrawals when we were apart for more than a day. We knew we were madly in love and acting crazy but we also didn't care and just enjoyed every minute of it.
Our families were both excited for us as we began the wedding plans. I was the first to be married in my family, so the expectations were high. Ben was the fifth to be married in his family, so it seemed that his family had more realistic expectations.  I can remember the beginning of the plans to be so fun and exciting, but after a few months they became quite stressful and full of drama. Life was overwhelming but in the happy sense. In March we had our engagement photos taken. Here are a few of my favorites.

Then at the end of March an event occurred that would change everything. I developed a severe case of Mononucleosis (Mono). At first I thought I just had a flu but as time went on and I got worse, and after MANY doctor visits I was told it was Mono and Bronchitis. Because it took so long for me to be diagnosed and I was pushing myself to continue school, work, and wedding plans the Mono took a turn for the worse. Just after designing our wedding invitations, I received a phone call from my doctor instructing me to go the ER as my blood results showed signs of life threatening things. I can't quite tell you what they were as I was so out of it then and didn't understand fully what was happening to me. So I went to the ER and they flushed out my system and ran several tests. It turned out that I would be fine eventually, but that I had developed Hepatitis (swelling of the liver) from the Mono. Within the next few days I dropped out of school, quit my job, and put wedding plans on hold as all I could do was lay around in absolute misery as there is no medication or cure for Mono besides rest and letting it run its course. 

I have never experienced an illness as awful as Hepatitis/Mono and Bronchitis. I was devastated as I had lost tuition money, credit for the classes I had worked so hard in, and the ability to save money for my future with Ben. I believe it was no coincidence that Ben left his job due to the taxing nature of it about the time I got sick. He then was able to take care of me as I struggled to do simple things like shower or eat. It was a humbling experience for me as I had to let Ben see me in the worst state I had ever been in. For the next month and a half Ben and I were able to connect in a way that I believe would have never occurred had it not been for my illnesses. Looking back now, I can see how it was such a blessing from my Heavenly Father. Sure being sick was absolutely horrible, yes I didn't get to plan out or do certain details that I had hoped to do for my wedding, and ya we hardly saved any money and were forced to live with my parents after marriage instead of an apartment, but I got to see how amazing of a man Ben was, and learned how to rely on him in my time of need. This experience just made our choice to marry each other even more powerful and right as we were able to see the true nature of each other. I will forever be grateful to Ben for his love and devotion then and now. It is those moments that I remember when times get rough for us in our new marriage, and I remember how we made it through them together with Heavenly help. So to anyone reading this, don't be afraid to show every part of you to the person you love. It may be scary, embarrassing, humbling, and uncomfortable, but I can testify that it will cause a deep and rewarding relationship with your loved one as you connect with them on a whole different level. 

When the end of April came we were faced with the decision to postpone the wedding or not. After much thought we decided to keep the original wedding date, and relied on our family, friends, and Heavenly Father to help us accomplish all that we needed to by May10th. As soon as I was able, we had our formals photo shoot, which helped to spark the excitement once again.

The Proposal

Around Christmas time in 2013 Ben randomly said to me, "Hey we need to go ring shopping today!" I was so thrilled! We went to Morgan Jewelers and I picked out two rings that I loved. After a long discussion with the salesman (that I was not allowed to be a part of) we left the store. I then asked if we needed to go look anywhere else, and Ben simply said "Nope!". So I pretty much knew he had purchased one of the rings, but now I was in constant wonder for when he would propose. 

When Christmas came I was sure he would do it like on the romantic Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. So I tried to pry details out of my mother who had already been informed on the plan. She reassured me that it wouldn't be during Christmas or New Years and to not worry about it for a while. So I did my best to just forget about it.

On the week of Christmas 2013 Ben came over to my house and asked my dad for his permission to marry me. It was so classic and romantic, I loved it! Although when he asked my dad his response was, "You can have my blessing and permission if you can beat me at a game of foosball!" He was totally joking but had just received a foosball table and was always looking for new challengers. Ben lost the first game, so my whole family joined in (including me) and no one could defeat my dad. Luckily he still gave his blessing. ;)

Just after Christmas Ben informed me that his parents had tickets to Desert Star Playhouse to see their production of Miracle on 42nd Street and they had elected to not use them and to instead spend time with family from out of town. So Ben asked if I would like to go, and I excitedly said yes! I had never been to a play with Ben yet and it sounded like fun as I have enjoyed Desert Star productions in the past. 
On December 28, 2013 Ben picked me up and then we headed to his house to get the tickets for the play and to spend some time with family. I remember feeling like his family seemed to be smiling at me more and just more excited, but at the time I thought nothing of it. His parents gave us the tickets and some money for dinner during the show, and then we headed out about an hour before show time. Ben seemd distracted and not as excited to be at the play as I was. I thought it was strange and kept trying to get him to tell me his thoughts as we waited for the doors to the playhouse to open. He just blamed it on being tired, so I decided to liven things up and began to make up funny stories for the pictures on the wall. We laughed together and he seemed to relax a bit more. We also took some pictures. :)

 

Then it came time to enter the playhouse. Ben was very sweet (as he always is) by getting my chair for me and allowing me to get my favorite type of pizza (pineapple) for dinner. 

The view from our seats

As we waiting for the show to start, I made this post on Instagram and Facebook.

On a date with this handsome man of mine :) #desertstar #miracleon42ndstreet

Ben still seemed distracted but happy so as the play began I just sat back and enjoyed it. Then it came to the first intermission. We discussed what we thought of the play and other casual things. Then about five minutes before the play began again, Ben turns to me and says, " I have to go to the bathroom in a little bit." I found this strange and told him to hurry and go right then. He insisted that he would wait until the second intermission. The second intermission came and Ben took off right away. It wasn't too strange because I assumed he had to use the restroom.

What he was really doing was picking up yellow roses from the ticket office that he had asked my family to drop off before the play. My whole family had also come to the play. Before I left my house that night my dad was complaining that my mom was making him call in sick to his ushering job, and I thought this was strange because my dad never calls in sick. Although I just shrugged it off. I'm not too good at picking up on surprises. Even when my mom asked why I wasn't more dressy for my date, I didn't even suspect what was about to happen.
So Ben picks up the roses and heads backstage. As I sat at our table the announcer came on stage and began to tell the audience about a contest. He said that sometimes they did a drawing on random nights and gave away a special prize. He said our entries were done by our tickets. So he looks at a ticket, and announces "The winner is Kendra Gates!" I was stunned! Also I was confused because at this point I had figured out that Ben and I's tickets said Dan Epperson (Ben's father), so how would they know MY name. The announcer then asked where I was, so I stood up with a confused smile on my face. It was at this point that I knew something was about to happen. He then invited me to come up on stage. I then made it to the stage and the announcer looked to me and said "Here is your prize!" as he gestured toward the other side of the stage. Then Ben comes walking out with a dozen yellow roses (my favorite). My little sister Keisha took a video of what happened next.

I was SO surprised and SO happy!! I hardly knew how to react. When Ben proposed, I was still in shock so my yes was more like a yes? instead of yes! It's funny to look back on now. Then when Ben tried to put my ring on it was funny because I had my CTR promise ring on that finger that I had worn since he left for his mission. Since we were on stage we felt rushed so he ended up just putting it on in addition the the CTR ring. :) That first dance as an engaged couple was also quite fun. It gave us time to talk about how much we loved each other and how happy we were to be engaged. Also how surprised I was! Then as we returned to our seats I saw my little sister Alexia sitting in my seat. I was even more surprised and happy when I learned that my whole family had been there the whole time and had gotten it all on camera for me. 

We visited with my family, and then returned to our seats for the rest of the show. It was so fun to then be congratulated by so many strangers after the play. Then we began to spread the exciting news. I felt like the happiest girl alive that night! It was simply the perfect proposal for me. 

How Bendra's Love Story Began

I have to admit that I have not been the best at keeping record of the important experiences in my life, and I am hoping that this blog will now help me to do better at that. So I just want to take the next few posts to document a story that means so very much to me.

The Love Story of Ben and Kendra (Bendra)

Our story began in September 2008 when Ben and I met through mutual friends at Hunter High School.

The first photo we took together with our good friend Tommy Lee

We were young love struck teenagers and decided that once we were both 16 we would become an "official" couple. On my 16th birthday (December 17th) Ben pulled me aside at school and asked me to be his girlfriend. I gladly accepted and our love began to grow. We attended our first school dance together, and I shared my first kiss with Ben. 

Then in March 2009 I decided that I wanted to do a little bit more exploring in the dating world and have the freedom to date other boys. So I broke off the relationship and we drifted a part for a few months. Then as time went on we slowly began to rebuild our friendship with each other.

End of Junior Year 2010

 In our Junior year of high school now, we built a strong friendship with one another. By the summer that friendship turned into romance once again. Ben and I shared many fun times together that summer, but by the end Ben decided he wasn't ready to pair off just yet and the romance was extinguished. Although our friendship stayed strong as we entered our senior year. 
Ben and I both went on several dates with other people and by February 2011 we discovered that what we had with each other was the very best. So by March we made it official once again, but this time we were committed to the relationship and to making it last forever. 

April 2011

Our Last School Dance (We spent our first and last dance together, aww cute! right?)

After graduation in June 2011, Ben and I had some tough decisions ahead of us. Our paths were destined to split for a time as Ben had chosen to serve a 2 year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. My plan was to move to Logan, Utah and attend Utah State University for the next four years. As we contemplated how our relationship would work once I moved to college and he left for his mission, we spent the summer in bliss. We created as many fun memories as we could. 

Lagoon June 2011

 

Ensign Peak

Salt Lake Bees Game

Summer ended and after a lot of prayers and discussions, we decided to keep our love strong as I would faithfully wait for Ben to return home from his mission. Marriage was discussed but nothing was set as we both knew that two years can bring on many changes. Ben was scheduled to leave for his mission on November 30, 2011 (His 19th birthday). So from August to November our love grew stronger and anxiety began to rise as Ben prepared to leave and I began college. 

 

The day finally came and we said goodbye to each other for two years. We both promised to write letters to each other every week, and kept that promise. There were a few people who didn't believe that we could make it through the full two years or that I could wait faithfully, but I knew in my heart that what we had was special and with our Heavenly Father's help we could make it through anything! I remember saying often before Ben left, "What's two years compared to eternity?"

Those two years I would have to say were the hardest I had ever experienced before. There were nights of tears, fears, and all sorts of emotions. Looking back now it's really hard to put into words how I felt or what our experience was. Although I can say that it was through divine help from my Heavenly Father, Savior, family, and friends that helped me to stay positive and fall more and more in love with Ben. Here are a few pictures from those two years.

In one of Ben's packages that I sent to him, I gave him a hoodie with Elder Epperson on the front and Washington DC North Mission with the DC flag on the back. I got one too that matched but instead of saying Elder Epperson it said I Love My Missionary. Cheesy I know but we both loved to wear them :)

For my birthday in 2012 Ben had flowers sent to me. Such a sweetheart. :)

My Valentine to Ben in 2013

Ben and I exchanged CTR/Promise rings before he left. We wore them for the whole two years. In this photo we are showing off those rings. We both wore the rings on our left hand but I wanted to make this cool collage
 so I flipped my picture. 

Finally the day came for us to be reunited! 

Ben returned home on November 27, 2013 (the day before Thanksgiving). We struggled to only do handshakes and smiles until he was released on Friday November 29. After that first embrace on Friday, everything began to just fall into place. We picked up right where we had left off, and now looked forward to a possible marriage in the near future. I had transferred to Weber State University in Ogden, Utah at this point and was living at home. Thus it made it easy for us to see each other often and develop our relationship even more.