Eppersons Exploring Eternity: May 2016

As I reflect on my experience being pregnant and then giving birth to our first baby, I am overwhelmed with emotion. I have had several people ask for the details of Carter's birth and I've been slow to answer. I will admit that I have felt the postpartum blues and feel overwhelmed when it comes to documenting everything. I want to remember all these special moments but feel frustrated at how little energy I have to get it all down. So this post is an attempt to document Carter's lovely entrance into this world and the emotions that came with it.

My pregnancy was pretty smooth sailing compared to most. The only thing I really struggled with was heartburn. Since things had been going so well, I was surprised and excited when I felt my first contraction around 6:45 in the morning on Sunday February 28th. I had counted on my labor to be right on time or late, since this was the pattern of my mother's pregnancies. Although since I had never felt a contraction before, I began to get excited and hopeful that this was true labor. As Sunday came to an end without any other major signs of labor, I felt disappointed but hopeful he would come the next day. This pattern continued for the rest of that week. By the time my due date came (March 8th) I had given up hope and tried to focus on anything else. My doctor had me scheduled to come to the hospital the evening of Sunday March 13th to begin the induction process with the full induction on Monday March 14th. So I had resigned to the fact that I would not be giving birth until March 14th and just tried to make the most of the time I had left being pregnant.

Around 11:00 PM on March 9th I said good night to family and began to get ready for bed. Suddenly I felt another contraction, but this time there was pain involved. In the past my contractions were a feeling of my stomach getting super tight and then relaxing. This contraction, my stomach did not tighten as much as it had in the past but I could feel pain in my back and stomach as it came and went. I brushed it off and thought "Oh I am just getting closer, but its not really happening". Then a few short minutes later another contraction came. At this point I still wanted to brush it off but mentioned to my husband, Ben, that I was having painful contractions. Ben had to be to a training for a new job early the next morning and was extremely tired that night, but he mustered up as much excitement as possible and told me to wake him if I wanted to go to the hospital. He then zonked out as I tried to get into bed. After only a minute or two I realized that I was not going to be able to sleep through these contractions. So I went to another room and using a free app started to time these contractions. I began at 11:22 PM with a 30 second contraction, then 11:24PM with a 21 second contraction, and by 12:18 AM I was having contractions about two minutes apart lasting on average 25 seconds each. I was so confused at this point. All the research and stories I had heard up until this point eluded to the fact that labor (especially for a first time Mom) would start out gradual and you go to the hospital when you have contractions that are about five minutes apart or sooner. Well here I was having contractions two minutes apart in a steady pattern that had occurred suddenly. I tried to not get too excited as I began to search online to see if this could be true labor. I found some promising signs that this was labor but still was apprehensive. Then I went to the bathroom and found that I was spotting blood. This was alarming to me since I had not had any spotting in my pregnancy previously. So I went back to the bedroom and woke up Ben to tell him that I was spotting blood and we may have to go to the hospital. When I woke him, he rolled over, listened to my concerns, and while half asleep said he would go if I wanted to and then unintentionally fell back to sleep. I waited a few more minutes and pondered whether or not we should go to the hospital, and finally decided to go. I figured it was better to either confirm this was labor or false labor rather than be up all night wondering. So I woke Ben up again, and we rushed out the door with our already packed bags.

Once we got to the hospital, they assigned me a labor room, asked me to change into a gown, and said someone would be in to check on us shortly. So as we waited I was so nervous that this was all just false labor and was hoping that by some chance it was real and we could stay. Ben and I discussed how we were both feeling this way as the nurse came in. They checked on Carter's heartbeat and everything was sounding good. I reported to the nurse that at my last doctor appointment (Thursday March 3rd) I was dilated to a 1 and my cervix had thinned to 50%. The nurse then checked to see if things had changed. She told us that I was dilated to about a 2.5 now and my cervix had thinned to about 75%. She then explained that they don't like to admit patients until they are dilated to at least a 4, so she asked us to walk around the halls for an hour to help things to progress. If I was at a 4 after the walk then they would admit me, if not they would send me home.

As Ben and I walked the halls together, pausing for contractions every few minutes, we talked about how excited we both were to meet our son. We also began to figure out what arrangements we needed to make if he were to be born in the next few hours or day. I remember feeling so blessed to have Ben there with me helping me to stay positive and hopeful. It didn't matter that it was about 2:30 AM and he had a training to get to and was absolutely exhausted, he was there to support me in any way he could, giving me words of encouragement and comforting hugs and kisses.

When we got back to the labor room, the nurse came in to check me again. Unfortunately, I had not progressed, so it was looking like they were going to send us home. I was so disappointed! The nurse explained that if they sent me home they could also give me a shot of pain meds to help ease the pain of the contractions. When she first offered the pain meds I refused them thinking that I wanted to avoid any possible harm to my baby. Ben looked at me like I was crazy to refuse them... Since I was still having contractions at a steady two minute rate, the nurse went to check if it was alright to send us home. During those few minutes she was gone, I had a couple more contractions and quickly realized that without pain meds I was not going to be able to get any sleep. So I turned to Ben and said "Ya, I actually do want the pain meds". He just smiled and told me that was fine and that he thought I was crazy not to in the first place. The nurse then came back to let us know we would be going home and then arranged for the pain med shot. Ben held my hand and let me lean on his shoulder (I really don't do well with needles) as she administered the shot that would hurt and burn more than I anticipated and later leave a large bruise. I felt the pain meds and the added sleep sedative begin to work as we arrived home at around 4:00 AM on March 10th.

After a rough night of little sleep (since the pain meds didn't help as much as I had hoped) I awoke to my contractions happening less often and farther apart. This basically meant that I would not be going back to the hospital any time soon. At this point I was disappointed but also a bit angry and frustrated. I was tired and just so ready to be done being pregnant and wanted to give birth already! Ben made arrangements with his new job so that he could stay home with me and help me to continue to endure contractions and ease my frustrations. I don't know what I would do without this amazing husband of mine! :) My contractions didn't get much more frequent throughout the day but they were getting more and more painful. Ben must have known how exhausted I was mentally and emotionally, so he suggested that we go for a walk around the block at about 4:00 PM. It was a nice refreshing walk as I took in the fresh air and talked out my frustrations with Ben and my sister Alexia. Then around 6:00 PM I was having more intense and painful contractions, but they still were not too frequent and happening about 5 and a half to six minutes apart. I really wanted to push myself to wait as long as possible so that I didn't get sent home from the hospital again. Ben could see that I probably did need to go in, so he spent a good 15 minutes or so convincing me that we should go back to the hospital. Finally I said, "Ok fine! Let's go!" I do not take pride in the fact that at this point I was getting quite snappy and grumpy. The pain and emotional frustration was really getting to me. Thankfully Ben and my family were understanding, and I suspect that this was one of the reasons Ben knew I needed to go back to the hospital.

We arrived at the hospital and were placed in a labor room with a jetted tub this time (at my request). The nurse came in and ran the usual tests and informed us that I was dilated to about 3 or 3 1/2. Once again we were asked to walk the halls for an hour, come back and check on the baby, and then this time we would walk an additional hour before they would check my dilation again. Since it was dinner time, Ben and I decided to walk to the hospital cafeteria and get something to eat for the first hour walk. As we walked the contractions were getting more and more intense. Those moments where we just stopped and Ben would hold me close as a contraction came and went were rough but looking back I've never felt closer as a couple. While at the cafeteria I could not find anything appetizing but a doughnut, so we sat for a bit while I ate a doughnut and Ben a sandwich. I can remember standing after sitting and having one of the worst contractions I had thus far. Then Ben helped me slowly get back to the labor room.

At this point I was thankful that I had changed my mind and decided to do an epidural. I felt that I would just breakdown and cry if they said I wasn't dilated enough to be admitted by the end of the second walk. The nurse walked in and watched as I went through another painful contraction. She then asked if I wanted her to check my dilation now instead of after the second hour walk. I gladly and excitedly said yes. I held my breath as she checked. To her surprise and mine I was dilated to a 7! I felt so validated :) I had kept it together pretty well considering I was already a 7. The nurse then rushed around as she arranged my epidural.

The anesthesiologist came in with a medical student and asked me if it was alright that she participate in my birth process. I agreed and laid on my side in a C position as instructed. Ben and I could hear the anesthesiologist explain to the medical student everything he was doing and I felt extra comforted to know what was going on. Then I had the worst contraction that I had ever experienced as I waited for the epidural to be administered. The anesthesiologist waited for the contraction to pass and then put in the epidural. To be honest, I hardly felt a thing since I was still recovering from the pain of the last contraction. I was just looking forward to the relief.

The epidural began to take effect as I became numb on my left side. I felt the numbing spread all the way up to my face on the left side only. I began to panic because my mother had a similar experience and her lungs ended up going numb and she had to go on a respirator. I told the nurse that I was feeling the numbing on my left side only and that it was spreading up too far! She reassured me that the right side would just take time and that it was normal to have the numbing go up that far. It still seemed to take forever for my right side to numb a bit and for my fears to subside, but after a visit from the anesthesiologist and consistent reassurance, I finally relaxed. When I was then asked how I was feeling, I said "I feel numb and relaxed and I just want to sleep now." The nurse replied "Then sleep!" So with that approval, I zonked out. I am not sure how much time passed as I slept but I am told it was about 1 1/2 hours. I awoke to Ben sitting in the chair at the end of my bed watching me and the monitor that was measuring my contractions and Carter's heart rate. I just felt so loved to see how willing he was to be there for me and involved in the process. The nurse then came in and checked my dilation. She informed me that I was about 9 1/2 and we would begin pushing soon. I was amazed that my labor had progressed so quickly! As a first time mom, I was expecting this process to take a very long time, but instead it felt like I barely had time to process what was happening.

It didn't take long before the nurse came in with the medial student and began to prepare things for the pushing. She informed us that my doctor was not answering their calls (it was around midnight at this point) and so she introduced the on call doctor to me just in case he would have to step in. The on call doctor left and the nurse then had the medical student hold one of my legs and Ben held the other as she coached me through the pushing process. I can remember thinking that the pushing wasn't as hard as people had made it seem, and I was also surprised that the doctor was not in the room like they are in the movies. Carter seemed to be moving down steadily and even though it wasn't necessarily fun, it wasn't miserable either (I'm sure it helped that I was completely numb on my left and slightly on my right). Although Carter was a bit stubborn and kept turning his head to the side, and the nurse had to keep guiding his head back to the correct position. I pushed to the point that Carter was crowning and then just before the on call doctor would have come, we were told my doctor was on his way over and would be there in 10 minutes. So the nurse told me to just hold on and to not push for the next 10 minutes or so. I remember it felt awkward as I laid there feeling like Carter was so ready to come out but had to resist the urge to help him out.

Finally my doctor (Dr. Froerer) arrived and together with the nurse prepared for Carter's birth. Ben was beside me this whole time, holding my leg and giving me soft touches as he encouraged me along. Dr. Froerer was now ready to deliver Carter as he told me to push. I did as I was instructed. Next he asked me to give a half push (which was hard to figure out but I did my best). I then gave one last push and Carter James Epperson was born at 1:50AM!

Ben and I both were in awe of this sweet baby that was laid on my stomach and quickly wiped off. I remember just feeling so happy and having my eyes tear up as I looked to Ben who was doing the same. I felt so amazed by this baby and the fact that he was finally here! I was also surprised that he didn't scream and cry much, just a bit of fussing and then calmed down as I held him in my arms. The doctor and nurse completed the birth process as Ben an I just savored this moment of becoming parents. Dr. Froerer then presented us with a gift (a bib that says Special Delivery by Dr. Froerer) and stood in on a few pictures and then left along with the rest of the hospital staff to give Ben and I the next hour of alone time (sacred hour) with our new baby boy. It was a beautiful experience to just be a small family and talk to Ben about how overwhelmed with joy and amazement that we were. We are so blessed to have this handsome baby boy in our lives!

Dad, Mom, Carter, Dr. Froerer

The birth happened so quickly, so messy hair don't care

Daddy's first time holding Carter

We were later told that Carter came out with his hand on his face. This explains why he still loves having his hands near his face and possibly why I had a second degree laceration or perineal tear during his birth. Although he was definitely worth any pain or suffering because he is the perfect little boy. Carter weighed 6 lbs 14 oz and was 20 1/4 inches long. While at the hospital he had difficulty keeping his temperature up, latching on for breastfeeding, and initially failed his hearing test in his right ear, but overall he was a calm, healthy, happy baby. He would later pass his hearing test in both ears and struggle through jaundice.

Daddy stayed with us the entire time in the hospital and was an amazing and loving support to us :)

Daddy posted this on Facebook with the caption "Mom and baby both getting some much needed rest:) "

Daddy got some rest too ;)

Here is some insight into Ben's perspective as we got to know our sweet boy:
"I just need to say this because it's obviously been on my mind for the past day and half. I love my son. I can't believe how much I love him. Seriously people. Before he was born, and I would hear crying or whining, or whatever, I got really annoyed. But there is nothing that sounds sweeter to me than his little cries or his cooing. He is my special little guy and I think I can officially declare him my favorite person in the world, alongside my wife Kendra. Without her I wouldn't be a dad, and I definitely wouldn't ever have known this special depth of love that we share for Carter. My future is brighter now, and my ambitions have grown to lengths I wouldn't have desired before, all because of my ambitions as a father, and my desire to show my son how a man of God should live his life. I am excited for my forever family.
‪#‎weareaforeverfamily‬ ‪#‎blessedtobeafather‬ ‪#‎thisisthebestfeelingever‬
‪#‎ilovemywife‬ ‪#‎mysoniscuterthanyours‬

Carter was welcomed by so many who were excited to meet him.